So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
