You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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