I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
