He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
