i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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