there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
