i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
