ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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