The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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