have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
