there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
