Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
