why do cheetos always look like penises
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
