How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
