It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
