He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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