I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just googled if crying burns calories
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
