Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
