also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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