just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We talked him into tasing himself.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
