didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
