his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
