from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
