Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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