I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
