Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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