Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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