Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
