soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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