I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
