He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
