Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
