the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
