How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
