do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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