i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
