I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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