Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have aggressive nipples.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
