3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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