i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
