please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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