I seem to have left my pride at pride
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
