Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
