Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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