walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
