Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
