if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
