I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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