yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
