well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
