My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dignity is for republicans.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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