i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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